The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
