I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
