he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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