I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
