so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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