Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
