oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize