What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
