Can i not drive my cunt home
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
