Fine. I'll sleep in my office
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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