Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
