if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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