btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
