I just pynch a tree in the face
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
