Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
