This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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