I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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