Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
