So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
