Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
