The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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