She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
