ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
