i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
