im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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