after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
