Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
