Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
