Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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