I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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