Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
