you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
