i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
