I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
