ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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