well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
