yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
