i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
