Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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