apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is her dick bigger than yours?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
