Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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