Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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