I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
