I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
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I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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