My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
