I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
