3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
