And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
