This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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