Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
