I molested 6 butterflies tonight
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
