Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
