Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
