Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
