3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize