He disabled his match.com account in front of me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
