You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
