she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
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He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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