Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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