but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
