I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
