Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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