Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
