I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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