You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
