i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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