i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
