If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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