Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
