he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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