so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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