Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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