babies were throwing up all over the place
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I did not marry a roomba.
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