Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
