I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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