I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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