You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
