the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
