I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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