I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
