We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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