how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
