I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
