it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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