that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
