please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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