your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do you still have your period?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
