hotel room ftw
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
