I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
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i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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